Early Morning Ramblings and Bits of Random Nothing

As you can tell from the title, this post has one purpose - to sweep away the cobwebs and fluff from my brain patterns. Have you ever had so many things on your mind at once that you can't focus on one? This is me. 7am and on 4 hours of sleep. So if you are looking for a deeper meaning in this one, well, you might as well stop reading now. Go look for Thoreau.

Mmmm, hot hazelnut coffee with cinnamon. I don't know what it is about that flavor, but I just love it. Could be that it reminds me of a happier time, when Ian was first in pre-school at church and I could stop twice a week on my way to work to pick up a cup and a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin top. Not that those times really were happier than any others, but my little boy was doing well, and my new baby was healthy and precious. Faith was stronger. Of course, I still can't brew exactly the right amount for one big cup. I don't know why, but I just can't measure it right. Guess this is another reason I need an espresso maker instead, huh?

I am so glad my semester of school is almost over. I'm not sure why, but this semester has been the hardest I've ever had. I'm not coming out on top like I'd hoped, but I am able to salvage most of my classes, and I've learned some tough lessons this go around, so I guess that counts for something. I am really looking forward to next semester, even though only 1 of my classes will count toward my degree and the other is a random extra class. I need the chance to breathe, and that extra class promises to be interesting. I hope.

Putting Ian on the bus this morning, I started thinking about "school days." It makes my heart smile and ache at the same time, watching his skinny little self scamper off to that big, yellow bus. I think, "God, how did he get so big already?", and "Look how little he is", and something along the lines of "ABC's and 123's - ah, those were the days." I loved school, from the time I was a tot. I loved being with friends, spelling tests, reading, even math. When I was older, I lived for band. And of course, any time I was at school, I was safe - away from the nightmare at home just waiting to turn on me. I was never one of those kids who would jump at the chance to stay home. Even if I had the flu, my Mom would fight to make me stay home. I remember many a day practically sleeping my way through the day in a feverish haze, because I didn't want to be home. I know that even today, walking into a school makes me feel happy and safe. It's one of the ways I know I want to be a teacher. Do kids get on my nerves? Absolutely. On a regular basis. But they also make me smile, and remind me of life's potential. Except teenagers - they just annoy me period. =D

I'm feeling the creative urge like crazy again these days, but it's unfocused. I want to make scrapbook pages. I want to cross stitch. I want another baby. I want to bake, to cook, to decorate.  Most especially, I want to write. A letter, a story, random musings on a blog - anything to help get my thoughts in order, and get some of this creative urge out while it lasts. My brain chases itself in circles so much, I'm amazed it doesn't fall down dizzy. 

Life is tough for everyone these days. Lack of income, high stress, climate changes, natural disasters - it seems like the world is spinning out of control sometimes. I like the "let's get back to basics" movement that is advertised all over TV - um, hello? Getting back to basics doesn't mean going out and spending more money on items to help you get back to basics. It means getting control of what is really, truly important. Food. Utilities. Shelter. Clothing. Laughter. Love. Time. It's a hard lesson, and honestly I'm fighting against it as much as anyone else. Having been unemployed for 2 years almost, it's getting to the point where things will really have to be scaled back. It's hard to make a child understand that he can't have the level of things he had before. It's hard for me to deny myself anything, and I'm an adult, but I am hopeful that not only will my family weather the storm, somehow we will come out on the other side stronger, and more grounded. I'm searching for a way to show my family, and myself, how to find greater joy with fewer resources. Of course, throw in a broken car, lack of a clothes dryer, and weeks where you have to choose between gas for work and food to ear, and it gets tough. 

Oh, and this cast. I've never had a cast before. At first I thought it would be cool, kind of an adventure. Now, I want to flex my ankle and scratch like MAD. And it's been less than 24 hours. This should be interesting.

Well, that's my random morning ramblings for today. Check back soon, same crazy lady in the same crazy place, and see what else spews forth, won't you?